Franken-boobies

By now, quite a few of you know that on February 1st, I went under the knife to get a bilateral mammography (breast reduction). For some reason I feel compelled to share my experience, just in case there are some of you out there that have ever contemplated this procedure. Be warned - there may be some oversharing here, people. You decide.

I won't go into all of the details that led me to wanting this surgery - it's boring. However, I will say that I've had issues since puberty, and was wearing a G to H cup size. They don't sell those in stores, folks. My girls had gotten completely out of hand and expensive, and I was fed up. 

Today I am eight weeks post-op. Up until now it has been a pretty terrible experience. My chest was straight up Bride of Frankenstein, folks.

Here are some of the lower moments.

• The surgery is outpatient. As soon as you are up and talking, the hospital cuts you loose. Bouncing around in the car on the way home was... uncomfortable. Once the good drugs wear off, IT HURTS. Most of you have had surgery before - I have not. Did I say, IT HURTS?
• Eight days post-op I was in the emergency room. My breast had become so hard, and so swollen that I could barely function. An ultrasound showed several pockets of fluid, so I was rushed to another hospital for a second surgery to insert drain tubes.
• DRAIN TUBES SUCK. I'm talking rubbery, floppy rigatoni noodle tubes hanging from new incisions, that trailed boob juice wherever I roamed. It was horrible. The tubes were attached by one or two stitches that constantly caught on EVERYTHING. Anytime I changed my dressings, it was an exercise in pain tolerance. 
• Sweet Jesus - the swelling! Even with the tubes I was so swollen and uncomfortable.
• The tubes were removed after a week, and it was immediate pain relief. I was like a dog getting off a leash. I almost ran outside to sing in a pasture. However, now I had two open incisions that still dripped and drained. 

So here I am, eight weeks after the surgery, and I am finally pain free, other than just a little discomfort at the end of the day. Sleeping on my side (either one) is still a little hard, and a bit painful. I am still nowhere near the size my chest will be eventually, and I've still got angry skin around the incisions, and a bit of swelling. I'm having some body issues - I don't look like myself, and my boobs are weird, and it's freaking me out a little.

Do I regret it? No.

Someday I'll look back on this experience and laugh, and wonder what took me so long to take the plunge. I'm sure the memory of the pain and limitations will fade, and I will look in the mirror and see some impressively perky sport boobs.You'll know when that time comes, because I'll be running, biking, or swimming past your house will a smile on my face.