Men VS Women

There are a couple of men at my company who have lost significant amounts of weight. It’s actually pretty shocking; my boss *just* started going back to the gym three weeks ago, and already looks slimmer. I HATE HIM. Another co-worker has lost over 50 lbs doing Weight Watchers. His commitment was inspiring, but he did it seemingly without having to work at it. I know that counting points is a pain, but with minimal activity, he crushed his weight loss goal. HE IS ON MY LIST. One of my favorite people here, who I don’t see very often, also dropped some poundage. He looks totally different, and all he did was stop drinking beer. WHAT A CROCK.

How is it easier for men to lose weight than it is for women? Spoiler alert: it’s really not (which really pisses me off). To be clear, men do have certain advantages, which I will illuminate here; however, it all evens out in the end. Here are the top five reason why men seem to lose weight faster than women (but only in the beginning):

Men have more lean burning muscle.

• What the frack, God. Our playing field was never even, right from the start.

Evolution tells women to "hold onto those curves."

• So we are naturally all about that bass? I get it, women are more likely to be endowed with "baby-making hips." Great.

Women are literally hardwired to crave cupcakes. 

• I'm not sure about this one. I work with a guy who eats cupcakes in one bit. He loves them... but I suspect he doesn't crave them like I do. Late at night, lying bed, with a tear running down my cheek.

Men are overachievers... at first.

• Any comment I make on this one will seem like I'm a member of the (S)he-Man Woman Haters Club, which I'm not; however, I know a lot of men, and not many would I cal overachievers. 

Even if men don't lose more weight, it looks like they do.

• Although it really chaps my ass, I have noticed the truth in this statement. Maybe this is the real issue behind my frustration. If you were to see my waist, you would notice that I've lost inches, but it's hard to see my waist under all the boob.

Given all that I've learned, and shared with you (and unabashedly stolen from Prevention magazine), I've come to a realization that none of it matters. After all, there is nothing I can do to change evolution. What I can do, and what I’ve heard a million times before, is stop comparing myself to others. I must try to remember that my journey, while shared with many, is still a solitary one. I am not a man, so why would I compare my weight loss to one? No person is created equally, so comparison is fruitless and frustrating. 

So I say, DOWN WITH MEN. Oh, I mean, men are great. I love men. Good job, men. (Don’t let the door hit you on the ass when you leave the gym.)