FAT AF

I really busted my hump last week. I've been doing a lot of exercise, but this last week I was killin' it at the gym. Saturday I did Spinning AND Body Pump... in the same fracking day. Sunday? 9.9 mile bike ride on gravel. On top of everything else, I've given up meat, and have been really watching my diet. I've been straight up killin' it. 

Unfortunately I stepped on the fudging scale.

If you are anything like me, and on an incredibly hard journey to weight loss, stepping on the scale and seeing the same number every single day, or a pound or two more, is disheartening. When I kill myself in the gym and on the bike, and still the scale does not waver, it is demoralizing, to say the least. When I see that same frickin' number, over and over again, no matter how hard I try, I feel FAT AF.

Some of you may say, "What the french toast, Erin?" 

I am surrounded by incredibly fit, healthy, muscular people. While I find it incredibly inspiring to be in their presence, it also bums me out to be the slowest person on our bike rides, or lifting lighter weights in BP, or not doing positions 2 & 3 in Spinning. I can't do a flicking burpee, for God's sweet sake. These dear, muscular, fit friends of mine are so encouraging and supportive, but in my mind I always add an unspoken addition at the end of their wonderfully uplifting sentences. 

You're riding your bike so well (for how fat you are).

You are a beast in BP (for how fat you are). 

You are swimming like a champ (for how fat you are). 

You are killing it (for how fat you are). 

So, in this forum, in front of all you witnesses, I'm saying fuck you, scale. Fuck you, voice in my head. Instead of feeling FAT AF when I step on that scale, I'm going to be FREE AF when I throw that fucking scale out the fucking window. Instead of adding that unspoken bullshit at the end of sentences, I'm going to only listen to what my friends are saying, and nothing more. Fuck being hard on myself. Fuck being hard on my friends. Fuck excuses. Fuck it all.

I've become so absolutely obsessed with losing weight, that my actual life is chore. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't want to make excuses anymore. I want to quit frick fracking whinging and get the fuck on with my life. Right now.

Growing Muscles

The other day, as per usual, I was complaining about how sore my body was from taking a class at the gym. It was TABATA, and what a killer! My abs, arms, and thighs were seriously pained. Note to self - avoid burpees at all cost. The next day, the gang and I went for a lengthy bike ride, which made me even more sore - oh the hills! Once again, I bitched. My best girl, Rootin' Tootin' Newton, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Dude, growing muscles is hard work!"

She speaks the truth.

Newton said some other stuff, but I must confess I was crying too loud inside to actually listen. (Just kidding, Beckers, I listened, and did my own research for this post.) All-in-all, this has been a very informative week, and I'm about to drop some knowledge on you.

*** The following medical info was borrowed (stolen) and paraphrased from BuiltLean contributor, John Levya. He's wicked smart. ***

Did you know there are 650 skeletal muscles in the human body? I'm pretty sure 639 of mine were screaming during my workouts this week. Here's what's interesting: after a workout, your body repairs or replaces damaged muscle fibers through a cellular process which fuses the fibers together to create new muscle protein. These fibers increase in thickness and number to create growth.  

Added to the new muscle fibers, there are satellite cells that also contribute. When you work out, specifically when you lift weight or pump it up, you damage your muscles. This causes inflammatory molecules and immune system cells that activate the satellite cells. Those little guys help to repair your damaged muscles to grow big and strong. So, in conclusion, growing muscles is, in fact, hard work.

I've been sore all week. Wednesday night I almost got stuck in my bed, because my abs were so sore I couldn't sit up. I had to call my dog to jump in the bed, so I could use him for support. Still, with Newton's wise words ringing in my ears, I went to Body Pump on Thursday... and lived. I did more than live, I actually really liked the class, and will definitely make it a part of my weekly schedule. 

Today, my muscles are repairing and growing. Because of the shoulder work in BP, I can't lift my arms above my head; however, I am now educated enough to embrace the pain, as it means my muscles are responding! I can definitely feel those little satellite cells jumping into action and building me some nice, strong, healthy guns. Next summer I will wear nothing but sleeveless shirts when it's sunny. 

I'm mostly writing today so that I can encourage you to just get out there and damage some muscles. Don't be afraid of being sore - relish it! Don't be shy about taking a new class, or trying a new exercise - just do it! I know its corny, but try every day to be the best version of yourself; get outside, breath the fresh air, be kind always, and GROW SOME MUSCLES.

SIDE NOTE: Your muscles also need REST and GOOD NUTRITION to grow. Don't ever forget your rest days!