I want to talk a little bit today about being alone. I've been thinking a lot about it, and how it relates to my journey to lose weight.
I have so many lovely friends and relatives that love me and share their lives with me. I am a million times blessed to be the mother of Jameson, and love him to pieces. Over the past several months especially, I've extended my network to include my amazing Beer Broads and their families; I just spent a priceless weekend with most of them, and am so thankful. I am truly a lucky woman, and cherish the relationships in my life.
But I'm still very much alone in the romance department.
I've been alone for seven years now - since my divorce from Jameson's father. I have been on a total of two dates since. I haven't had one person ask me out since my divorce. I'm thirty-seven years old and getting older, and am still very much alone. You might wonder how my relationship status relates to this blog and my weight loss journey, and I'll tell you. I have gained 100 lbs since my divorce. I'm entirely positive that this fat turns the opposite sex off, and that it is a major reason why I'm still single. I'm not saying it's the only reason, but it's a big one, I think.
So what do I do? I definitely don't want to think that I'm on this weight loss journey just to find a man, or that the only reason a man would be interested in me is because I was skinnier. I'm a funny, interesting, and sassy girl with a lovely son and a good job. I would like to believe that I can be attractive to people even with the extra weight, but I'm not sure.
I hate not being sure.
So here's the scoop. I CAN'T CARE ANYMORE. I can't cry anymore. However much I yearn to share my life with someone new, I cannot make this journey about my desire to catch a man. I will keep taking this journey one day at a time and one pound at a time for the sole purpose of being healthy and happy.
And besides - I want to meet someone who loves me for who I am and what I believe in - not someone who wants a skinny girl.
One day, one pound. For me.
You've got the right attitude. Keep at it, Erin!
ReplyDeleteThis blog is amazing - I'm so impressed that you're working so hard and being so honest about your journey toward good health. I remember you as one of the most beautiful dancers I've ever seen. You have that in you and will get there again. You're not starting from scratch like so many people are. Don't give up! One pound at a time - for YOU, not for anyone else. The perfect philosophy.
ReplyDeleteOh, Erin. Your honesty is what makes your writing so poignant! Wanting to share your life with someone is a wonderful thing. I think of the airplane rules...you have to take care of yourself before you can care for others. Does that mean you have to be "skinny" (which frankly I think is overrated and unattractive)? No.
ReplyDeleteThis may be way off base...but I am surrounded by incredible men. However, when it comes to weight loss (which I have been challenged by for many years - up and down since I was 40 and I am facing 50 heavier and less healthy than I have ever been (even when pregnant) - I am very much alone. My boys (the 17, 20 and 48 year old!) are active and can eat anything they want and as much of it as they want. I fill my kitchen with baked goods for them and "treats" that are favorites...but you know who is most tempted and eats the most? Me. All By Myself I have to fight my lack of willpower. They really don't care and love me "curvy" (my new work for chubby) but I could really use more support.
I read a quote by Adele when asked about her weight (who by the way I think is gorgeous!) "I sing for the ears not the eyes" was her reply! Sing for someone's heart and mind, Erin! :) xo