One Day, One Pound

I want to talk a little bit today about being alone. I've been thinking a lot about it, and how it relates to my journey to lose weight.

I have so many lovely friends and relatives that love me and share their lives with me. I am a million times blessed to be the mother of Jameson, and love him to pieces. Over the past several months especially, I've extended my network to include my amazing Beer Broads and their families; I just spent a priceless weekend with most of them, and am so thankful. I am truly a lucky woman, and cherish the relationships in my life.

But I'm still very much alone in the romance department.

I've been alone for seven years now - since my divorce from Jameson's father. I have been on a total of two dates since. I haven't had one person ask me out since my divorce. I'm thirty-seven years old and getting older, and am still very much alone. You might wonder how my relationship status relates to this blog and my weight loss journey, and I'll tell you. I have gained 100 lbs since my divorce. I'm entirely positive that this fat turns the opposite sex off, and that it is a major reason why I'm still single. I'm not saying it's the only reason, but it's a big one, I think.

So what do I do? I definitely don't want to think that I'm on this weight loss journey just to find a man, or that the only reason a man would be interested in me is because I was skinnier. I'm a funny, interesting, and sassy girl with a lovely son and a good job. I would like to believe that I can be attractive to people even with the extra weight, but I'm not sure.

I hate not being sure.

So here's the scoop. I CAN'T CARE ANYMORE. I can't cry anymore. However much I yearn to share my life with someone new, I cannot make this journey about my desire to catch a man. I will keep taking this journey one day at a time and one pound at a time for the sole purpose of being healthy and happy.

And besides - I want to meet someone who loves me for who I am and what I believe in - not someone who wants a skinny girl.

One day, one pound. For me.

MIA, L-B's and F

MIA – Missing In Action

I know I’ve been missing in action lately. I’m still working, still striving to be a better, healthier, more active person, and for the most part I’m succeeding. My mother’s birthday, and Mother’s Day really threw me for a loop this year, and knocked me a bit off track. As some of you know, on June 1, 2009, my dear mother passed away. It’s been almost four years, and I’m still dealing with her loss every day. I missed her especially this year.  I spent several days not really caring what I ate, and not working out at all. I realized how very hard it is to resist “eating my feelings”, when all I really wanted to do was gorge myself on ice cream and spaghetti. 

I wasn’t that bad. Just a little bad. I’ve forgiven myself, and moved on.

L-B’s – slang for Pounds

At my last weigh-in, late Monday morning, I was down to 255.8, bringing my total weight loss to 16.2 L-B’s. I’d like to get in the 240’s by the end of June, but we’ll see how it goes. This is a marathon, not a race, and I’m pacing myself. It would be nice for the L-B’s to melt right off, but I’m realistic. And optimistic. 

F – My Bra Size

Or so I’ve been told. I have very large breasts, and finding a bra is a NIGHTMARE for me. I recently went to Lane Bryant on a whim, and they were having a special promotion which included a bra fitting and a buy one, get one ½ off deal. 

I was measured.

At first the news was good. I had lost 4” under The Girls! How cool is that? Then… the cup size, which this very nice girl figured as an F. An effing F (seriously, I didn’t think they were THAT big). I proceeded to the bra section, where every color in the rainbow was displayed. There were push-ups, under-wires, padded, and wire-free. The selection was seemingly endless and exciting.  I started searching for just the right size, feeling exhilarated – finally I was going to purchase a bra that fit! 

I came to discover that there were four bras in the whole effing F section that were my size. And none of them fit. I was being pushed up so far that I could honestly rest my chin on the overage. One I crammed in the entire side boob, there was nowhere for The Girls to go but up. I could have applied lip gloss without my hands. I was devastated. 

*********

Some of you may be wondering what the moral is to this post. It’s simple. They are just letters. They don’t really mean anything.

I’m not defined by MIA, L-B’s, or F – I’m defined by who I am inside, how I feel about myself, and how I act towards others. I cannot let my absence from this forum get me down, or my lack of discipline, or my enormous bra size. I can no longer sabotage my success with these letters, and I won’t ever do it again. 

I promise.

Yoga for Dummies

Me being the dummy.

I got a question from a friend / reader regarding the type of yoga that I practice. That makes me sound so accomplished and professional, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth! I’m a beginner! Did you know that yoga is GREAT for flexibility and building long, lean muscle? In addition, it makes me feel GREAT. I mean, really great – centered, affirmed, and ready for the day. Here’s my routine, which I’ve started to do while my oatmeal is cooking every morning. Each pose should be held for approximately 10 counts.

 Sun Salutation, Step 1

1.       Stand with both feet touching. Bring your hands together, palm to palm, at the heart. Make sure your weight is evenly distributed. Exhale.

Sun Salutation, Step 2

2.       Raise your arms upward. Slowly bend backward, stretching arms above the head. Relax your neck. Inhale.

Bend Forward, Step 3

3.       Exhale while you slowly bend forward until your hands are in line with your feet, touching your head to your knees, if possible. Press your palms down, fingertips in line with toes (bend your knees if you have to), and touch the floor.

Lunge, Step 4

4.       Move your right leg back behind your body in a wide lunge. As you inhale, keep your hands and feet on the ground, with your left foot between your hands, and raise your head.

Plank, Step 5

5.       Bring your left foot together with your right foot.

Push Up, Step 6

6.       Exhale as you lower your body, resting on your forearms.

Upward Facing Dog, Step 7

7.       As you inhale, lower your pelvis to the ground and raise your hand and bend backward as far as possible, while straightening your arms.

 Downward Dog, Step 8

8.       Putting your hand on the ground and keeping your arms straight, raise your hips and align your head with your arms.

 Lunge, Step 9

9.       Slowly inhale and bend your right leg to take a wide forward step. Keeping your hands firmly on the ground, place your right foot between your hands and lift your head up.

 Bend Forward, Step 10

10.   Keeping your hands in place, bring both feet together. Straighten your legs but keep your waist bent and upper body lowered. Touch your head to your knees, if possible. Exhale.

 Sun Salutation, Step 11

11.   Slowly rise, straightening your back into a standing pose. Bend backward, stretching your arms above your head as you inhale.

 Mountain Pose, Step 12

12.   Return to Step 1. Exhale.

 I hope that you will join me each morning while your oatmeal is cooking!

 

This post got me thinking about other questions ya'll might have about my eating, my journey, or my life. Ask away! Obviously I'm an open book, and hope to help at least one person out there, by making their own journey a little bit easier.

Exorcising the Exercising Demon

This morning’s stats are:

Weight – 258.8 (271.8 – March 28, 2013)

Waist – 44” (49”)

Chest – 48” (53”)

Thigh – 25” (27”)

My body is slowly changing. My pants are looser, and my boobs are less “bulgy” over the top of my bras. My progress has been slow the last two weeks, but I’m pleased nonetheless. My health issues are still present, but easing. I seem to have gotten a grasp on the IBS by watching what I eat and taking a fiber supplement and a probiotic. My back is definitely still an issue, but I've started seeing a chiropractor and am continuing with my pain meds when needed.

At this point, the exercise is the only thing that’s missing from this equation, and it’s a hurdle I’ve yet to jump over. I see so many pictures of people exercising, AND THEY ARE SMILING. Huh? This is a little more accurate…

 

 

Have you ever been scared of exercise? I am. I don’t like to run because I’m self-conscious about my chest. I don’t want to go to the gym because I’m FAT. I constantly and consistently sabotage myself by not rising to my full potential. Can you imagine how quickly those numbers above would move if I actually exercised? Jeez – I’d be swimsuit ready in no time!

Since I have a delightful black-with-white polka dot suit to wear to the beach this summer, I vow right here and now that I will exercise EVERY DAY. Since I now schedule my food, why shouldn’t I schedule my exercise? Here’s the plan:

Monday – 10 minute yoga routine @ 6:15 AM. Walk with Colleen at a brisk pace for 30 minutes at 6:30 PM. (Thanks for offering to do this, Colleen!!)

Tuesday – 10 minute yoga routine @ 6:15 AM.  Just Dance on the Kinect with Jameson at 6:30 PM. 30 minute Pilates after dinner.

Wednesday – 10 minute yoga routine @ 6:15 AM. 30 minute walk around dog park fence at 5:30 PM.

Thursday – 10 minute yoga routine @ 6:15 AM. 30 minute walk around neighborhood w/ the dogs at 5:30 PM. 30 minute Pilates after dinner.

FAT FRIDAY! – 10 minute yoga routine @ 6:15 AM. Just Dance on the Kinect with Jameson at 6:30 PM.

Saturday – 30 minute walk around dog park fence.

Sunday – 30 minute walk around dog park fence.

Maybe someday soon those walks will turn into runs.  Maybe someday I’ll realize a distant dream of mine, to become certified and teach children’s yoga. Maybe I’ll start teaching dance classes again, and become a nicer, prettier version of Abby Lee Miller. Until then, this is my solemn vow to you, dear readers: I will exercise, in some way, EVERY DAY.