Back in the Saddle

How many times have I said, “this is the last time I’m going to go to McDonald’s!”, or “I am absolutely committed to healthy living!”, or “I’m going to lose (x number of lbs) by (this date). I really should learn to stop making these blanket statements, as I believe I’m becoming the boy who cried wolf (or rather the girl who cried skinny). I shouldn't ever live in absolutes, because I’m human. I make mistakes, I fall off the horse, and I’m not perfect. The only statement I can make, which is absolutely true, is that I’m absolutely flawed in a lot of ways. Again, I've fallen off the horse.

 I have a lot of other friends who have committed to a lifestyle that I admire. They are living, breathing proof that commitment and perseverance are possible, and that even the most seemingly unobtainable goals are possible. There’s one friend who is a successful Beachbody Coach, selling Shakeology and coaching others in lifestyle changes. Another friend is a vegan. Seriously, a vegan, and she’s GREAT at it. Still another friend who has gone from no exercise to biking in world-renowned races, and is in the best shape of his life (in his 50’s).

And yet, there’s me. Whatever are we gonna do with me? I’m fat again. I've not been going to the gym at all. And I’m so, so very tired of the way I look.

Today I really feel like I've been hit by a bus. I’m so tired, I’m bloated, my eyes hurt, and I've had just about enough of this week. I just wanted to let you know that I’m still here, and still plugging along. School has started again, and Jameson is doing well. I just finished coaching soccer, and am in rehearsals for the Thornapple Players musical revue, set to debut this weekend. I am fostering kittens, loving on my dogs, and kissing up my cats. I am still living life… maybe not the best way that I can, but the best way that I know how, at this moment. I hope ya’ll are still with me, and still interested in this bumpy journey of mine. I’m still with all of you, and encourage your stories and comments.

I've decided to get back in the saddle. Wish me luck, that this next go around will be successful. I’m not promising anything… but I can promise that I’ll start writing again, and trying to help others where I can. 

Not Alone

I’m pretty sure there are many among us who are completely rocked by the death of Robin Williams, the comedic genius who brought such joy into our lives. It is such a tragic loss, not only for those who enjoyed his work, but also for the family that he left behind. His death, while incredibly sad, brings up a lot of questions and thoughts… and sheds a light on depression and the effects of that horrible disease. The legacy of Mr. Williams is his work on stage and screen, and his battle with a largely misunderstood and terrible illness.

Naturally, it got me thinking about myself and others who might be suffering in silence.

I take a drug called Zoloft. I've taken it for years, and just recently have considered weaning off of it (with a doctor’s supervision, of course). I began taking this drug when I started have major anxiety issues, which manifested in shortness of breath and tightening in my chest. I could not breathe, got faint and dizzy, and this was happening almost every day. I was scared and frustrated. I sought help, talked to my doctor and my therapist, and was prescribed a pill. While medicating my issues has never been entirely OK with me, the Zoloft does help, but I’m beginning to realize that it’s just masking some bigger problems.

I’m often sad. I’m emotional. I take things personally, and never fully trust anyone. I’m afraid people don’t like me, and are talking behind my back. The thought of staying in bed all day is not only appealing to me, but I actually yearn for the chance. I do incredibly stupid things that are detrimental to my life. Sometimes I don’t take care of myself, and my feelings definitely manifest in how I care for my home. In short, while I no longer have anxiety attacks thanks to the Zoloft, I have a whole basket full of other “crazy” to deal with.

Sound familiar?

I guarantee I’m not the only one. Am I the only person who is saying it out loud? Maybe. But I’m not the only one who struggles with depressed feelings and anxiety. I’m not the only person who eats her feelings, even when she’s trying to lose weight. I’m not the only woman out there who daily sabotages her life with erratic and damaging behavior. I've definitely fallen off the wagon this summer, fully aware that I am eating bad stuff and not getting to the gym… and not caring at all. A symptom of a bigger issue, for sure. I KNOW I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

You aren’t the only one either.

My point? We don’t have to go it alone. Ever. If there isn’t someone currently in your life to talk with about some of your own issues, then call me. If you feel sad, tired, and out of control, but don’t know what to do about it, email me (merrittwithmerit@gmail.com). Life is way too short to suffer in silence, or to be ashamed of something that so many others deal with daily.

As Mr. Williams says in Dead Poets Society, carpe diem. Let’s seize this day as one to be happy with. Let’s do it together. 

TIME, TIME, TIME, see what’s become of me…

I am having one helluva TIME making TIME for myself. This is has become incredibly apparent in the recent month, when I’ve been unable to make TIME to get to the gym. People have begun to notice. There is whispering, taunting, disdain. My pass card for the gym is covered with dust. It’s becoming a real problem.

So here’s the thing. I’m a single mother. I have a nine-year-old boy, two dogs, and four cats. And fish (can’t forget the fish). I have a lot of responsibilities which fall squarely on only my shoulders, which are not limited to, but include spending quality TIME with my kiddo, taking the dogs to the park, grocery shopping, making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning, or just flopping down exhaustedly on the bed after a busy, tough day. Often I’m so tired by the end of my full-TIME work week that Saturdays and Sundays are a bust, and only used for recuperation.

I used to make TIME during my lunch hour to go to the gym, which was very convenient. My father (who I live with) was home to hang with the dogs, my kiddo was at the babysitter’s house, and I was able to eat my lunch at my desk. However, for six weeks every summer, I am required to go home during my lunch hour to care for the animals. Gym TIME – gone. Hopefully now with Daddio’s return, I’ll be able to get back on that schedule.

I know what you’re thinking: that it’s just a ½ hour to an hour every day, and that it shouldn’t be hard to carve out that much TIME for myself. Let me tell you though – IT IS. I do not have a husband to take care of the kid, my home, or my pets for me. I do not have an older kid who doesn’t care when I’m home, or not. He still wants to spend TIME with me, and that’s fleeting and priceless. I do not WANT to take TIME away from my child, simply because he’s my job, and my responsibility. (And I love him.)

So what is the solution? Freeze my gym membership and work out with Jameson? That could work, but accountability goes out the window, and I also wouldn’t have access to the quality equipment that the gym offers (of my lovely friends who work there).  Realize that life is short and I NEED TO MAKE TIME FOR MYSELF? Easier said than done. Just frickin’ suck this up and get ‘er done? Hmmm…

It’s a conundrum, folks. Any creative suggestions are appreciated. 

As an afterthought, I figured you’d all want to know that I’m still down 20 lbs, with 80 more to go in the next year. I hope to be a svelte MILF (too much?) by my 40^th birthday, and am still working toward that goal!

Facepalm

Lately I've really been feeling like I can't do anything right. To be fair, I've not really been putting in the effort to get even mediocre life results, so I'm not really surprised. 

The week leading up to my vacation I didn't hit the gym. At all. I told myself that I was too busy, had too many things to do before leaving, and didn't have the time to spare. Basically I just didn't feel like going.

During my week of vacation I ate whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, and didn't care one single bit about what I was eating, or how it would affect my body. 

I drank. A lot. Every day. I wasn't soused my entire vacation, but I didn't resist the adult beverages that Wisconsin had to offer.

I wallowed in sadness. I let my woes get the best of me. I was not intentional in my words or actions. 

This week, most likely due to my lethargic and apathetic behavior, I'm feeling bone-tired and uninspired. Big shocker, right? But you know what is so frickin' great? Tomorrow is a new day, and there are more right behind it. I get to recharge, reinvigorate, and reinvent myself EVERY DAY if I want to. 

My facepalms do not define me. 

Body Image Boot Camp - Assignment #2: Have some SEX.

I've been looking into some studies regarding the benefits of sex, and was pleased to note that there are several. Research has shown that regular sex (1-2 times a week) reduces stress, boosts your immune system, and elevates your mood. Not only that, but sex is good for your heart, and you burn 5 calories per minute during the act, which is mild to moderate exercise. (Hey, it’s better than sitting in front of the TV!)

This got me thinking about all the reasons that people are having sex… and not having it. A lot of you are lucky to be in loving, committed relationships and marriages. Some of you I know have sex all the time, while others, despite your happiness together, almost never have intercourse. Why is that? Sex should be a natural, instinctual, loving, and calming act, so why are there so many of us who don’t get busy on a regular basis?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think our body image is one HUGE reason. How many times have you asked to have the lights off, or just faked a headache to avoid the inevitable judgment of your muffin top or thunder thighs?  Ever suddenly become “very busy” when the urge strikes your partner because you had a big dinner and are bloated? Feeling sexy and beautiful (or handsome) is a huge turn-on… but when you don’t feel that way, saying yes to S-E-X is difficult at best.

I really don’t have any good advice to combat this problem; we all have body image issues, whether we are stick thin or obese, but I do have a simple solution: SCREW IT. Your Body Image Boot Camp assignment for this week is to have sex. Lots of it.

Instigate sex. Wear sexy underwear. Leave the lights on.

Because here’s the thing - I’m sure the reason your partner wants to copulate with you have VERY LITTLE to do with your body, and A LOT to do with wanting to get laid. Oh, and how much they love, respect, and care for you. So say yes. Open your mouth and ask for it. Answer the door naked. And completely forget, for just a little while, about your body.

Oh, and if you don’t currently have a partner, you know what to do. Love yourself. A glass of wine, some good music, perhaps a good book (50 Shades?), and you’re on your way.

Best of luck! Let’s get it on!

Fighting the Good Fight

My body and I are locked in the ultimate battle for control of my tissues… and I’m losing miserably.

According the www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au, fluid retention is described as follows:

Fluid retention (oedema) occurs when fluid isn't removed from the body tissues, including the skin. Causes include the body’s reaction to hot weather, a high salt intake, and the hormones associated with the menstrual cycle. Symptoms include swelling of body parts such as feet, hands, and ankles, a feeling of stiffness or aching and weight fluctuations. Drinking plenty of water will actually help your kidneys to flush out excess fluid.

I am raising my hand right now and calling foul. It’s not fair that I've been working so hard to feel lighter and healthier, and my body pays me back by retaining up to FIVE POUNDS of extra fluid. For this entire week I've felt heavy, bloated, and tired. I've gained FIVE POUNDS. I have swollen sausage fingers and divots in my shins. What’s next? Locusts?

I’m sure that many of you agree that living a healthier life is a cycle of forward and back steps. Not everyone is comfortable all the time and even skinny, fit folks fight this same battle against fluid retention. I’m definitely not the only person who suffers this plight. I’m just the loudest right now. In an effort to help others, and hopefully to rid myself of excess weight, I have done a little research and will share it RIGHT NOW!

1. Eat bananas. I thought I’d start with the easiest one. Bananas are loaded with potassium which makes them a quick, no-nonsense way to help your body get rid of excess fluid.

2. Eat cabbage. Um, no. In preparation for entering the military my ex-husband ate nothing but cabbage soup for a week. The house smelled like farts. I will no longer eat cabbage.

3. Drink LOTS OF WATER. Drinking water kick starts your kidneys and gets them working more efficiently. Some call this the waterfall diet. I've been to the bathroom 65 ½ times today.

4. Drink other stuff like evening primrose tea or cranberry juice.

5. Cut back on dehydrating drinks such as coffee and alcohol. This is a tough one. Good luck.

6. Cut out excess salt and avoid salty foods. Sodium is a silent killer, my friends. I've never known something that tastes so delicious yet is so very bad for a body in so many ways. Cut it out, or at least cut back.

7. Exercise. Don’t you find that exercise is a pretty common remedy for most of what ails ya? Just saying, it pops up all the time, so there must be some truth to its efficacy.

8. Try all-natural, over-the-counter water pills. It’s worth a try, right?

So, that’s about all I've got – a comprehensive list of tried and true methods of fighting the bloat. If any of you out there have other suggestions, I’m dying to hear them! Please post them in comments here, or message me on FB. I’m going to try them all… after I get back from the bathroom.

As Promised...

I was a little bummed that only FOUR brave souls shared their selfies with me... but all four were definitely worth it. The pictures came from women that I never could have guessed would participate (and a couple I didn't even know read my blog). I'm so honored and blessed to share these snippets with you! 

The first photo is from someone who loves her eyes. They change with the color of her outfit, and now that she's found Beach Body, they are wide open with energy and sparkle. 

The thing I adore about this second photo is the smile in her eyes. I have always noticed that this women smiles with her entire face. It's beautiful to behold. 

This lovely being cropped the part of her face that she most likes when she smiles. I agree. She is funky, spontaneous, and lives life to the fullest. It shows.

Last, but definitely not least, is a smile that I see often, and it absolutely brightens my day every time. I could name a million other things about her that are special, but I'm glad she picked this one!

Wow. All four of these women are GORGEOUS to me. Each one is brave, fearless, and selfless. Some are on a similar journey, and all admitted to having body issues at one time or another. How sad that we critique ourselves daily, instead of embracing our unique and delightful features. 

I'd like to encourage more of you to take a selfie. Really look at it. You don't even have to share it, but I bet you can find at least one thing that you like, if not love, about yourself. Good luck, and best wishes. More Body Image Boot Camp to come - I hope you'll stay tuned!