I’m pretty sure there are many among us who are completely
rocked by the death of Robin Williams, the comedic genius who brought such joy
into our lives. It is such a tragic loss, not only for those who enjoyed his
work, but also for the family that he left behind. His death, while incredibly
sad, brings up a lot of questions and thoughts… and sheds a light on depression
and the effects of that horrible disease. The legacy of Mr. Williams is his
work on stage and screen, and his battle with a largely misunderstood and
terrible illness.
Naturally, it got me thinking about myself and others who
might be suffering in silence.
I take a drug called Zoloft. I've taken it for years, and
just recently have considered weaning off of it (with a doctor’s supervision,
of course). I began taking this drug when I started have major anxiety issues,
which manifested in shortness of breath and tightening in my chest. I could not
breathe, got faint and dizzy, and this was happening almost every day. I was
scared and frustrated. I sought help, talked to my doctor and my therapist, and
was prescribed a pill. While medicating my issues has never been entirely OK
with me, the Zoloft does help, but I’m beginning to realize that it’s just
masking some bigger problems.
I’m often sad. I’m emotional. I take things personally, and
never fully trust anyone. I’m afraid people don’t like me, and are talking
behind my back. The thought of staying in bed all day is not only appealing to
me, but I actually yearn for the chance. I do incredibly stupid things that are
detrimental to my life. Sometimes I don’t take care of myself, and my feelings
definitely manifest in how I care for my home. In short, while I no longer have
anxiety attacks thanks to the Zoloft, I have a whole basket full of other “crazy”
to deal with.
Sound familiar?
I guarantee I’m not the only one. Am I the only person who
is saying it out loud? Maybe. But I’m not the only one who struggles with
depressed feelings and anxiety. I’m not the only person who eats her feelings,
even when she’s trying to lose weight. I’m not the only woman out there who
daily sabotages her life with erratic and damaging behavior. I've definitely
fallen off the wagon this summer, fully aware that I am eating bad stuff and
not getting to the gym… and not caring at all. A symptom of a bigger issue, for
sure. I KNOW I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE.
You aren’t the only one either.
My point? We don’t have to go it alone. Ever. If there isn’t
someone currently in your life to talk with about some of your own issues, then
call me. If you feel sad, tired, and out of control, but don’t know what to do
about it, email me (merrittwithmerit@gmail.com). Life is way too short to
suffer in silence, or to be ashamed of something that so many others deal with
daily.
